SEPTEMBER – AN EXCITING NEW SCHOOL OR JUST A NEW SET OF PROBLEMS?

For many children, going back to school in September is exciting. They are looking forward to a new year, a new teacher, maybe even a new school and making new friends. For some children though, it feels more like entering a nightmare. There are intimidated by the prospect of change, particularly if they are moving up a school. They’ve been the oldest in the school, now they will be the youngest. They have more homework, more responsibilities and greater expectations on them from teachers and parents – all this can seem overwhelming. They become ‘ill’ with stomach ache; they can’t eat, can’t sleep and become tearful. It all just seems too much.

This period of time in a child’s life is a difficult one. They are ‘shifting’ from childhood, where they mostly focus on the here and now, into being a young adult where they are expected to plan and to be organised, to consider others and the implications of their actions upon them. To a child this can seem like an overnight change. One moment their parents are organising them and prompting them and the next minute their parents are saying “you’re old enough to know better”; “I expect more from you now”. But where did all the new skills come from? Where did they learn to become the young adult that they are now expected to be?

And parents – what happened to the child that did what they were told? Who is this sulky, stubborn, argumentative child, this child that disappears into their room and is more interested in their computer and their friends than their family. Where did the child who wanted a cuddle and would give you a kiss as you dropped them off at school go? It can be just as difficult for parents as it is for children. Not only is the child expected to have a completely new set of skills but so are the parents. Parents need to adjust their parenting style. They have to learn to discuss and not ‘tell’, learn to listen (even when it doesn’t seem very interesting!) and learn to trust and change boundaries to allow their child to develop into the responsible capable adult they need to become to be successful in life.

As a parent, our job is to help our children become competent, confident and well balanced adults. This means letting go, assuming trust unless it is broken, being tolerant and allowing our children to learn from their own mistakes. A few basic rules:-

· Listen to your child’s point of view – communication is a 2 way process.
· Start from a position of trust – you might be surprised!
· Ask your child to come up with a solution that they expect you to agree to.
· Negotiate – it’s like buying a house, both parties know they’ll have to shift!
· Stay calm – anger is only ever a short term solution.
· Communicate rewards and consequences.

If you or your child are having difficulties and you want a bit of help contact me, Andrea at andrea@halotherapies.com, www.halotherapies.com, 01202 830456.