SEPTEMBER – AN EXCITING NEW SCHOOL OR JUST A NEW SET OF PROBLEMS?

For many children, going back to school in September is exciting. They are looking forward to a new year, a new teacher, maybe even a new school and making new friends. For some children though, it feels more like entering a nightmare. There are intimidated by the prospect of change, particularly if they are moving up a school. They’ve been the oldest in the school, now they will be the youngest. They have more homework, more responsibilities and greater expectations on them from teachers and parents – all this can seem overwhelming. They become ‘ill’ with stomach ache; they can’t eat, can’t sleep and become tearful. It all just seems too much.

This period of time in a child’s life is a difficult one. They are ‘shifting’ from childhood, where they mostly focus on the here and now, into being a young adult where they are expected to plan and to be organised, to consider others and the implications of their actions upon them. To a child this can seem like an overnight change. One moment their parents are organising them and prompting them and the next minute their parents are saying “you’re old enough to know better”; “I expect more from you now”. But where did all the new skills come from? Where did they learn to become the young adult that they are now expected to be?

And parents – what happened to the child that did what they were told? Who is this sulky, stubborn, argumentative child, this child that disappears into their room and is more interested in their computer and their friends than their family. Where did the child who wanted a cuddle and would give you a kiss as you dropped them off at school go? It can be just as difficult for parents as it is for children. Not only is the child expected to have a completely new set of skills but so are the parents. Parents need to adjust their parenting style. They have to learn to discuss and not ‘tell’, learn to listen (even when it doesn’t seem very interesting!) and learn to trust and change boundaries to allow their child to develop into the responsible capable adult they need to become to be successful in life.

As a parent, our job is to help our children become competent, confident and well balanced adults. This means letting go, assuming trust unless it is broken, being tolerant and allowing our children to learn from their own mistakes. A few basic rules:-

· Listen to your child’s point of view – communication is a 2 way process.
· Start from a position of trust – you might be surprised!
· Ask your child to come up with a solution that they expect you to agree to.
· Negotiate – it’s like buying a house, both parties know they’ll have to shift!
· Stay calm – anger is only ever a short term solution.
· Communicate rewards and consequences.

If you or your child are having difficulties and you want a bit of help contact me, Andrea at andrea@halotherapies.com, www.halotherapies.com, 01202 830456.

Eating Disorders

You may have read many news stories recently about eating disorders. Young girls are influenced by magazines and the television. They are influenced by their peers and their desire to 'fit in' to what they believe is a'normal' image. Many young girls experience bullying or may go through some sort of trauma in their life. When life feels like it is out of control, we will often 'take control' in some other way and one of the most common ways is to control our food intake. It is the same as many other unhelpful habits and behaviours, although they can become destructive, they usually begin as a way of achieving some form of control or comfort. The habit then takes on a life of it's own and the need to meet the compulsions of the habit and the feelings derived from that habit take over from objectivity.

If you or a family member 'disappear' during meals, hide food, wear layers of clothes, make yourself sick after eating, eat little for days and then binge eat, suffer from hair loss or tooth decay, feel constantly tired, think you look overweight when your BMI is below average then you may be suffering from some sort of eating disorder and will need to get help. With the right sort of psychological support you can recover and have the happy life that you really deserve.

Change your life!

In the Daily Express last Thursday was my story. http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/191187/Reading-helped-us-to-turn-over-a-new-leaf! The story about what motivated me to change my career. After many years of working in a multi-national finanacial services organisation I decided that I needed to change direction. I read a book called 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People'. It helped focus my mind on what was really important to me and made me realise that my family were growing fast I didn't give them the time that I thought I should. I was doing my best, but had lost sight of what my daughter really needed - which was a Mum! It took me 2 years to re-train, but it was the best thing I ever did! I can now go to sports day and christmas nativity plays, I can take my children to school (I now have another daughter and 2 step-daughters) whilst combining this with a successful career. You can have it all! You just need to know what you want your life to be like, imagine you are there and then take one step every day to get you there. Before you know it, you've arrived!!