LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR BEST NEW YEAR YET!

Another year, another set of New Year’s resolutions! So how can you make them stick?

1. Set yourself realistic goals. Make sure your resolutions are attainable. Saying that you will never eat chocolate again is perhaps a stretch too far! Set a target that is both realistic and achievable.

2. Plan ahead. Decide upon your goals well in advance of New Year’s Eve. This ensures that your resolve is set well before the day and your brain is geared up for the change!

3. Plan for temptation or weakness. There are always times when it seems easier to give in than to stay strong. Plan ahead for how you will manage this. What will you do if temptation creeps into your mind e.g. keep photos of the slim you and the larger you to hand to remind yourself why you set your goal.

4. Spread the word! Tell family and friends about your goal. Enlist their help. By telling everyone who is important to you, you increase your chances of success!

5. Monitor your progress. Set small goals, as these are easier to manage and help you maintain your motivation towards achieving your long-term goal.

6. Reward success! When we change our habits or behaviours in some way, it can feel like hard work and for some it can even feel like a loss. Reward your achievements in a healthy positive way i.e. treat yourself to a massage or facial. Go to the cinema with a friend or book a show or a trip somewhere.

7. Watch out for “oh blow it!” mode. Sometimes one small slip results in “oh blow it, I’ve failed so I might just as well forget it!” This is the most common cause of failing to achieve a goal. One small slip does not have to result in failure – it’s all up to you!

TOP TIPS FOR COPING WITH THE EFFECTS OF WINTER

1. Get plenty of vitamin D. It is produced after exposure to sunlight, so get out in the daylight as much as possible. It can also be found in oily fish, meat, eggs and vitamin supplements so increase the intake of these foods in your diet.

2. Reduce your caffeine intake, especially during the afternoon and evening. Good sleep is important for maintaining emotional balance. Caffeine activates your brain and stimulates your bladder, not a good recipe for a good night’s sleep!

3. Review your diet. Eating healthy foods that are rich in fruit and vegetables can help regulate your mood. Empty carbohydrates and high sugar foods can affect your motivation and create lethargy and sluggishness. Sugary foods may produce a short-term energy boost, but when that wears off, a sugar crash follows!

4. Increase your natural serotonin levels. Serotonin is your body’s “happy” chemical. Exercise can boost serotonin levels and help to reduce stress. A brisk walk can go a along way towards clearing your head and helping you think more positively.

5. Socialise with friends and family. Humans are social beings and need personal interaction. A good chat and a reminder of just how much the most important people in your life mean to you, can make a significant difference to your frame of mind.

6. Start a new hobby or learn a new skill. Stretch your mind and create opportunities to feel proud of your achievements.

7. Tackle those tasks you’ve been putting off. Most people spend more time at home in the winter, so this is a good time to have a sort-out. De-clutter your home and you’ll find that your mind starts to feel de-cluttered too!

EMETOPHOBIA - SICKNESS PHOBIA

Lots of people have never heard of it, in fact I had never heard of it until I realised my daughter had it!! In the beginning, I didn't even know what the problem was all I knew was that she didn't want to go to school, she constantly complained of tummy ache, she didn't like to eat much when we were out and she couldn't bear to be around anyone else who even hinted at feeling poorly. I thought she had problems with her school work, or maybe she was being bullied, or perhaps she had some sort of stomach complaint. I went to the school to talk to her teachers, I took her to the doctor, but just couldn't get to the bottom of it. All this began before I became a therapist. As I trained and learned more about the different types of phobias and phobic responses, it occured to me that maybe she had sickness phobia. I tentatively spoke to her about when she could first recall feeling like that and she told me that in her first year at school a little boy who sat next to her was sick and it went on her feet. This was the start! Then everything clicked into place! Why she didn't want to go to school - someone is always 'sick' at school when children are young. Why she didn't want to eat when we went out - because people sometimes get tummy bugs from things they eat. Then the fear gets bigger and bigger and becomes so debilitating that it begins to control their life. Fortunately, once I was fully trained, I was able to help my daughter and she is now completely free!! She was 9 when I first understood what was going on, she was 4 when the first incident occured - she suffered for 5 years before I realised what was happening. A couple of years ago, my other daughter was very ill and was projectile vomitting constantly - what a turnaround when my previously phobic daughter helped me clear up! She is now 15 and laughs when she recalls how she used to behave. A combination of psychotherapy and hypnotherapy effectively enabled her to unlock her brain from those phobic responses. Why not find out how you could help yourself or your child break free from unwanted fears of phobias.

DISABILITY DISCRIMINATION

Freya spent her secondary and higher education years preparing herself educationally, emotionally and physically for University. Her journey has been challenging and through her own will and determination and with the support of her family, she fully integrated into main stream education which was a significant achievement considering her physical disability- she has spina bifida. Freya's desire to succeed enabled her to successfully gain a place at Winchester University to study Media. The 7 years of secondary and higher educational learning should have culminated in her making the next move into University. However, although Freya was offered a place, she was told there was no suitable adapted accomodation available to suit her physical needs. Having contacted the University on numerous ocassions by phone and email, she and her family have been unable to obtain any sort of response at all from the University.

A set back such as this for any student can be extremely demoralising, but for Freya, having spent an educational lifetime overcoming physical, psychological and emotional hurdles that the average student would never have to consider could have a major impact on her psychological well-being. For Freya this is not a 'small' set back, it is a hurdle that feels totally outside of her control. When any of us experience emotional trauma of any sort, it is exacerbated when we feel we have no control over the outcome ie whatever steps we take, we cannot influence the end result. For Freya, she did everything that was within her capacity to achieve her goals. She studied hard at school and college, she achieved the required results, she did all that the University asked of her, but due to something that she has no influence over whatsoever, has been denied the right to study at her chosen University. This was the last step on her educational journey and her first step into personal independence. The implications of this could be devastating. Freya constantly 'accomodates' herself within an able bodied community. She already feels disadvantaged and this denial could completely shatter her confidence and destroy her motivation to succeed. She may feel that all she's done to 'fit in' and meet the standards set for educational success has been wasted. A dream that she has held and a plan that she will have already mapped out in her own mind has been taken away from her. It's not just her university place that's been removed, it's her future. Freya has said that she feels 'confused'. She does not understand why accomodation is not allocated according to physical need and priority and try as she might, she cannot get any answers. This feeling of mental paralysis, a feeling of being unable to change anything could have a major impact on her psychological well-being.

SEPTEMBER – AN EXCITING NEW SCHOOL OR JUST A NEW SET OF PROBLEMS?

For many children, going back to school in September is exciting. They are looking forward to a new year, a new teacher, maybe even a new school and making new friends. For some children though, it feels more like entering a nightmare. There are intimidated by the prospect of change, particularly if they are moving up a school. They’ve been the oldest in the school, now they will be the youngest. They have more homework, more responsibilities and greater expectations on them from teachers and parents – all this can seem overwhelming. They become ‘ill’ with stomach ache; they can’t eat, can’t sleep and become tearful. It all just seems too much.

This period of time in a child’s life is a difficult one. They are ‘shifting’ from childhood, where they mostly focus on the here and now, into being a young adult where they are expected to plan and to be organised, to consider others and the implications of their actions upon them. To a child this can seem like an overnight change. One moment their parents are organising them and prompting them and the next minute their parents are saying “you’re old enough to know better”; “I expect more from you now”. But where did all the new skills come from? Where did they learn to become the young adult that they are now expected to be?

And parents – what happened to the child that did what they were told? Who is this sulky, stubborn, argumentative child, this child that disappears into their room and is more interested in their computer and their friends than their family. Where did the child who wanted a cuddle and would give you a kiss as you dropped them off at school go? It can be just as difficult for parents as it is for children. Not only is the child expected to have a completely new set of skills but so are the parents. Parents need to adjust their parenting style. They have to learn to discuss and not ‘tell’, learn to listen (even when it doesn’t seem very interesting!) and learn to trust and change boundaries to allow their child to develop into the responsible capable adult they need to become to be successful in life.

As a parent, our job is to help our children become competent, confident and well balanced adults. This means letting go, assuming trust unless it is broken, being tolerant and allowing our children to learn from their own mistakes. A few basic rules:-

· Listen to your child’s point of view – communication is a 2 way process.
· Start from a position of trust – you might be surprised!
· Ask your child to come up with a solution that they expect you to agree to.
· Negotiate – it’s like buying a house, both parties know they’ll have to shift!
· Stay calm – anger is only ever a short term solution.
· Communicate rewards and consequences.

If you or your child are having difficulties and you want a bit of help contact me, Andrea at andrea@halotherapies.com, www.halotherapies.com, 01202 830456.

Eating Disorders

You may have read many news stories recently about eating disorders. Young girls are influenced by magazines and the television. They are influenced by their peers and their desire to 'fit in' to what they believe is a'normal' image. Many young girls experience bullying or may go through some sort of trauma in their life. When life feels like it is out of control, we will often 'take control' in some other way and one of the most common ways is to control our food intake. It is the same as many other unhelpful habits and behaviours, although they can become destructive, they usually begin as a way of achieving some form of control or comfort. The habit then takes on a life of it's own and the need to meet the compulsions of the habit and the feelings derived from that habit take over from objectivity.

If you or a family member 'disappear' during meals, hide food, wear layers of clothes, make yourself sick after eating, eat little for days and then binge eat, suffer from hair loss or tooth decay, feel constantly tired, think you look overweight when your BMI is below average then you may be suffering from some sort of eating disorder and will need to get help. With the right sort of psychological support you can recover and have the happy life that you really deserve.

Change your life!

In the Daily Express last Thursday was my story. http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/191187/Reading-helped-us-to-turn-over-a-new-leaf! The story about what motivated me to change my career. After many years of working in a multi-national finanacial services organisation I decided that I needed to change direction. I read a book called 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People'. It helped focus my mind on what was really important to me and made me realise that my family were growing fast I didn't give them the time that I thought I should. I was doing my best, but had lost sight of what my daughter really needed - which was a Mum! It took me 2 years to re-train, but it was the best thing I ever did! I can now go to sports day and christmas nativity plays, I can take my children to school (I now have another daughter and 2 step-daughters) whilst combining this with a successful career. You can have it all! You just need to know what you want your life to be like, imagine you are there and then take one step every day to get you there. Before you know it, you've arrived!!

TRICHOTILLOMANIA

What is trichotillomania?

It is a compulsive disorder of pulling out hair, eyelashes, eyebrows or other body hair. People who suffer from this disorder feel unable to stop the action, even though they are aware of the damage it is doing. This sort of compulsive disorder falls into the same group as skin picking, nail biting, eating disorders and tic disorders.

Why do people suffer from it?

It is not known why people suffer from it, although stress, depression and trauma such as post traumatic stress disorder does sometimes appear to trigger it. Also, people suffering from OCD have a higher disposition towards it.

Who suffers from it?

There are defined categories; pre-school, pre-adolescent, young adults, adults. Young children tend to have a more subconscious response, whereas adults will often have quite a specific pattern of pulling and will be more aware of the routine and the feeling they get when they perform the habit.

What is the treatment?

There are a variety of different treatments, hypnotherapy has shown to be very effective in helping to deal with symptoms, along with habit reversal training, cognitive behavioural therapy and medication.

What is a habit?

A habit is formed through repetition of a behaviour. We can be very good at any sort of habit through repetition. We have many good and helpful habits and behaviours which are part of our every day routines, such as brushing our teeth. We can also 'learn' unhelpful or unwanted habits and then become very good at these through repetition!

How can hypnotherapy help?

Hypnotherapy is a way of breaking the association between the action and the feeling and introducing a new 'program' to the brain which puts the person back in control of their actions. Strategies to redirect the energies formerly used to perform the habit into a more positive action are introduced to provide a feeling of conscious control.

Want to get some help?

Contact Andrea at www.halotherapies.com 01202 830456 andrea@halotherapies.com

WHO AM I??

Listen to me talking on THE BAY RADIO 102.8 on Monday 24th May at 12 noon!

Identity is about self and self concept – who am I?

It is based upon the knowledge, beliefs, memories, expectations, habits and behaviours that make us who we are.

We are defined by our individual roles ie mother/father, brother/sister, son/daughter and also the groups we are a part of ie religious groups, hobby groups, age groups (pensioner, teenager) and what comes with each of those roles in terms of personal expectations and expectations of others.

Our experiences and memories shape how we interpret the past and behave in the future ie a memory of achievement/success may motivate actions for more of this or a memory of failure or disappointment may steer us away from a particular situation (even though another experience may generate a different outcome).

We measure our worth by our experiences and we believe others do the same ie we may believe other’s perceptions of us are based upon our success at work, whereas this perception is based upon our own beliefs and not those of another person. Their perception of success may be completely different based upon their experiences.

When we don't believe something is possible, we may often not even bother trying – how has this been shaped by our past? Has someone else’s observation or feedback on us affected our confidence? Has a past experience ‘put us off’?

Our identity is like looking through a lens through which we assess ourselves and other people. It is therefore very important that we regularly check our identity (our "lens") for distortions or problems (mistaken beliefs, faulty understandings and memories, unrealistic attitudes) that might stop us from being able to view ourselves, our options and the world, in an objective manner.

If your ‘lens’ is distorted, so will your self perception and external perceptions be, which might result in inappropriate choices or mis-judgements of situations.

So, we now know that our identity is in essence a set of beliefs, based upon the journey that we’ve travelled that’s brought us to where we currently are. The good new is, that you can examine your lens (beliefs) and if necessary alter it (them) and get a new perspective!

The journey of life doesn’t end until it ends! Every day we are on our journey and it is up to us to choose the next phase of our journey. It is important to ensure that the ‘map’ you are working to is not an out of date map ie one that you created when you were in your 20s and now you are in your 40s but forgot to check whether you still want to end up in the same place! You wouldn’t use a 1970s road map to travel to Scotland – you’d get an up to date one with all the current road options available on it!

As life changes ie we get married, have children, perhaps suffer bereavement or divorce, our children grow up, we retire, our journey should take a different road. We need to re-group, re-evaluate and de-brief the journey so far and set a new path that reflects our needs, desires and abilities for the next phase of the journey!!

IT'S ALL OVER!!

So, the party's ended - or has it? Maybe the party has just begun! A coalition, an opportunity for 2 forces to join together to create something new and exciting - no one party gets it all their own way anymore! For those who saw Clegg on the Andrew Mar show yesterday morning, what did you think? Did he talk the talk, will he walk the walk? We've time now to see how things unfold and who really does 'wear the trousers' in this new relationship. Not long before we hear about the first set of 'cuts' and whether they will help the Country shift out of this massive deficit or whether we will find ourselves in a deeper depression - let's hope it's the former.

A new job for them both, a new 'household' for the population and a new 'shopping list' to balance out income and expenditure. Fingers crossed!!

THE SUBSTANCE BEHIND THE WORDS!

So here we are on the day of reckoning. It appears that it is not all about the way you say it, but what is behind what you say. So, the performance is drawing to a close and the star of the show has yet to be announced. In fact, a clear winner hasn't arisen from the ashes. What will Brown decide to do? If the Tories don't have significant seats to take the majority, Brown remains in the driving seat. How will he decide upon his next step?

Interesting that although after each of the election debates Clegg appeared to be collecting the votes, when the people had to decide who was capable of running the country, they choose to 'stick' with the parties they know. Sometimes familiarity, although not perfect, feels better than the uncertainty of change. However, maybe Clegg didn't get the seats that he wanted, but perhaps his plan paid off? Maybe he will in fact have the casting vote. Perhaps he is sitting pretty waiting to find out what the offer on the table will be. Will he form a coalition government and what will he want in return for his support?

So, as with most good performances, there is always a twist at the end, maybe something that no-one expected. What will the finale bring and who will take the final curtain call!!

ACT 2 - IT'S NOT WHAT YOU SAY, IT'S THE WAY THAT YOU SAY IT!!

The stage has been set and the 2nd act has begun. Clegg was certainly centre stage last week, but as with all good pantomimes, there’s always someone waiting in the wings to take over.

Brown and Cameron had certainly learned from Clegg’s ‘star’ performance during the 1st debate and adopted some of their own body language ‘tricks’ this week.

Both Brown and Cameron had picked up on Clegg’s eye contact with the camera and copied it (monkey see, monkey do) and did you notice they all remembered to use the names of the audience participants? The subliminal message being “I heard you, I listened to you”.

They were all animated and ‘acted out’ their roles well. I wonder why the camera mostly focused on just their head and shoulders though? It meant there was less advantage to any one person who had better body language.

I suppose more importantly, what do they need to do to secure votes in the finale next week?

Well maybe we should focus on what they shouldn’t do. Did you know that when you lie, chemicals known as catecholamines are released, which makes the tissue inside the nose swell? So, that fable about Pinocchio is actually based upon the truth. Watch out for the nose touching. When the chemicals are released it creates a tingling in the nose, which often results in a rubbing action to the nose.

Do you remember the three wise monkeys? Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil.

What does touching your ears mean? It’s a way of blocking out what you don’t want to hear, so when you see someone pulling their ear lobe or touching around their ear, they probably don’t believe in what they are hearing (it could even be something they are saying themselves that they don’t believe in).

What about touching your eyes? This is a subliminal way of blocking out deceit. Men generally rub their eyes quite hard if the lie is a big one. So watch out for the big whoppers.

How about touching or covering your mouth? Well this is usually associated with deceit or lying. The brain is trying to stop those nasty little words escaping. Sometimes, alongside the mouth touch is a ‘fake’ cough. This is an attempt to ‘cover up’ the mouth touch.

So, next week watch out for the three wise monkeys and check out who might not be telling the whole truth!

POLITICAL DEBATE - BODY LANGUAGE

IT'S NOT WHAT YOU SAY, BUT THE WAY THAT YOU SAY IT!!

An historical moment. The first time 3 party leaders have come together for a debate (if you can call it that). But, it's not just about what they say is it?

Studies show that our responses to people are based upon 3 elements:-

Words
Tone of Voice
Facial Expression/Body Language

You might be surprised that the words used have the least impact (only 7%) and in fact facial expression, body posture and body language have the biggest impact (55%). Add this to the 38% attributed to tone of voice and it turns out it really is less about what you say and more about the way that you say it.

When we observe someone speaking, we are looking for congruence cues between their words, their voice tone, their body language and facial expressions. We are more likely to 'trust' the speaker if their attitude conveys conviction and belief in their words.

So what did we see? Well it was clear why Nick Clegg (according to an immediate poll straight after the show) was in the lead. He had been given some great advice. He made excellent eye contact with the camera - he was personally talking to me (wasn't he?). Conversely Brown's gaze constantly shifted from side to side, giving a 'shifty' impression and a complete lack of rapport not only with the studio audience, but the millions of people watching the programme. Cameron appeared to be a little confused as to where he should be looking; sometimes it was at the camera and sometimes it was at the audience. You'd think it was obvious though - how many millions of people were watching from the comfort of their sofa and wanted to be spoken to. Wanted to know that the person who might run the country had listened to them and understood what they wanted.

Anyone in sales will know that to make a strong sale, you've got to focus on what the customer wants (or at least make it look like this). People don't want to know about how great you think you are, they want to know what you are going to do for them. Brown seemed to forget this and many of his opening statements started with 'I'. Clegg again had mastered this and talked about 'you' (whilst making eye contact with the camera). Can you remember when you were a child feeling like the person in the TV watched you wherever you were in the room? Maybe it was scary then (or it was for me anyway), but with my 'grown-up' head on, I want to feel that they are talking to me. They understand me and they understand my needs.

Brown and Cameron appeard to get engaged in some 'tit for tat' whilst Clegg sat back and let them get on with it. Clegg then used this to his advantage by saying "the more they attack each other the more they sound the same" (The unspoken word therefore being that he is different, he's not one of them and that if you want a change, vote for him).

Did you notice the way Clegg placed his left food towards Cameron, giving the impression of being interested, whilst casually placing his hand in his trouser pocket, creating a relaxed pose?
Brown was mostly square on to his podium with little facial expression and body movement. Cameron had a much more open facial expression, but this deteriorated as the debate progressed as he became more defensive towards Brown and less focused on the voting public. But it was definately Clegg who came across with conviction and what a great move in his summary. He recalled the name of each person in the audience who had posed a question - fantastic! He's subliminally saying "I heard you, I listened to you, I know who you are and how you feel".

So boys and girls, the stage has been set and in the first act, Clegg is definitely centre stage, but he needs to watch out 'cause you never know who is "behind you"!

WHY DO WE HAVE ADDICTIONS?

They often start as a comfort behaviour, something we do to make us feel better, less stressed or to enable us to unwind. For a child it can be a favourite toy or blanket, or maybe they suck their thumb.

As an adult maybe it's a cigarette or a drink, or perhaps it's a habit like pulling your hair or your eyelashes out or biting your nails. In the moment that you are doing it, it feels like a release, perhaps a feeling of relief of comfort.

Over time however the addiction begins to take its own hold and the addiction itself needs to be met, rather than it being something to 'ease' the emotions attached to another issue. In fact it may be that the original issue has resolved itself in some way, but the addiction remains and now drives your behaviour.

Addictions are a type of habit. A behaviour that has been 'practiced' repetitively until you become really good at it!! (You can become as good at unhelpful behaviours as you can at helpful behaviours). In the same way the brain has learned this habit, it can un-learn it and hypnotherapy is an excellent way of tapping into the subconscious, where all habits and behaviours are stored, to reprogram the brain to behave in a new way. For more information log onto www.halotherapies.com